Fuzzy Butt Dressing..

I was shopping at the local grocery store when a stroll down the salad dressing aisle led me to burst out laughing uncontrollably. I don't know what it was, I take that back, I do know what it was about this Poppy Seed salad dressing bottle. The picture on the front of the bottle looks like a big fuzzy butthole. There is no way around it, I have no idea why this picture is on the front of the bottle. To give them the benefit of the doubt, it could be a peach pit, but why would that be on a poppy seed dressing bottle? I thought poppy seeds were real tiny. Anyway, poppies have beautiful flowers (remember the Wizard of Oz?), why not put the flower on the bottle? You be the judge.

And here is a closeup of the fuzzy butt

I don't know, but I think marketing needs to have a meeting.

I bet you are starving now, maybe you could have a big helping of "Spotted Dick".

Hey, it is even a "Hot Seller"

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My Excuse For Not Posting..

Well it has been a busy past couple weeks. I had to move 6 sites from a host that I really had high hopes for. A kid named Justin from Colorado emailed me about a year ago and offered me free web hosting for a couple of my most popular sites; http://free-templates.org and http://buildfree.org. I was flattered but skeptical and decided to use the opportunity to start out a couple new websites. Well Justin is a great guy and very smart but I think he may have bit off more that he could chew. Several times over the year my new sites suffered complete outages for hours at a time. I realize the occasional server upgrade and unforeseen disasters, but with the last Google crawl, 3 of the sites actually obtained a page rank of 2. This just means that they are now candidates to move to the mainstream and earn some possible advertising income. Well another 8 hour outage just killed me. I had just emailed a prospective client with the new sites for review. Enough said.

I also had a generous offer for the purchase of http://buildfree.org. Let's just say that generous in this case was close to 6 figures and made me re-look at my whole internet business model. I have about 20 websites that are live right now, but buildfree.org was one of my first sites and it has been around since 2003. It has a page rank of 4 and gets the most hits of any of my websites. So I use buildfree.org to promote the other websites and to help my little website family grow. buildfree.org sends traffic to all my other sites, so losing it would be like losing a parent. Not only would the revenue be lost from buildfree.org but with the other sites as well.

The first thing I had to do was investigate the buyer and to make sure they are reputable and honest. I will not reveal the company but I was satisfied this was a serious offer. We traded a lot of technical information on site traffic and revenue. The next thing I wanted to do was to get to know the contact. He turned out to be very personable and we talked many times over the last two weeks. He actually came back with a respectable counter-offer and I said I had to mull it over. I talked to my attorney and and he said no problem, he could handle it for a reasonable fee. My next question was to my accountant about the tax repercussions. He said we could get through the deal with about 25% capital gains tax. so 1/4 of the money would go right out the door.

Well it all boiled down to should I accept today what buildfree.org will earn in 2-3 years anyway? Yes it would be great to bank some money and show some results for my many hours of frustrating webmasterdom, but after some soul-searching, I had to refuse the offer. I did make a counter-offer that would justify starting my internet journey over, but we reached an impasse.

So there you go, I am still the proud owner of 20 websites, but my tires have been officially kicked..

It's Connie Talbot day!

Desperate Times Lead To Desperate Measures...

This is a method my oldest brother Chuck claimed to have used several times when he was growing up, poor and hungry. You will either view it as extremely creative or just plain disgusting. I have never tried it, but I am sure it will work as advertised!

Fist you will need a few items:

1. A paper sack like what a 5th of booze comes in.


2. A plastic sack like what your newspaper comes in.


3. The cheapest most disgusting looking can of soup or stew you can find.


4. A light jacket or coat.
   

So if you are really hungry and have no money (or just enough to buy a disgusting can of soup), you can use this method to get a free meal.

Empty the can of soup into the plastic sack. Place the plastic sack into the paper sack. Make sure there are no leaks! Now hit the road and go into a nice, preferably crowded restaurant. Before you go in, put on your light jacket and tuck the bags with the soup down the front of your jacket with the opening up around the collar of your jacket but just out of sight. My brother Chuck actually had a full beard so disguising the bag was a bit easier. (If you want to be professional, you could devise some type of prosthesis to keep the bag of soup in place. Make sure to be seated in the clear view of the other patrons.

Order and eat your meal as you normally would. When you are just about done, pick a time when the waiter or waitress is walking by and clutch your chest forcing the contents of the bag all over your plate, table, hands and chin. A convincing puking wretch sound is also highly useful. Of course the wait staff does not want a puker in the dining room, especially since you are presumably puking their food, and they should discreetly escort you out of the establishment.

Of course you may need a plan B. If you are not immediately escorted out, sit back down and start picking the chunks out of the pile of faux puke and start eating them. This is guaranteed to get you removed.

You may want to practice your vomit skills at home so you will be more convincing when the cards (or puke) is on the table...

Those Darn Koreans..